It has been awhile since i have written any reviews or posted on my sites.. The truth of the matter is that life happened and now i am picking up the pieces and trying to move forward with my life. Well have a seat, grab some snacks and let me tell you about the events that occurred over the last few months.
You all may or may not know.. but back in September my mom was admitted to the hospital where we faced uncertainty about her faith and what was going to happen going forward. prior to all this she also had knee surgery in February 2019. She was always in pain a year before the surgery and even after the surgery.
My mom was struggling with walking even with a walker and the doctors always told her it was normal and fine but she just could not walk on her own even after going to physical therapy. Eventually she started going out once a week to get the essentials she needed other than that she stopped going out and about like she used to.
I feel like since she was living alone at the time (this was before her nephew moved in) she didn’t push herself hard enough, in a way i almost feel like she gave up and and fell into depression and no matter how much i would offer to help her or even get her food and try to eat with her she would always decline. It always broke my heart and i would voice my concerns to her but she would always say i know i am just in a lot of pain i wish i could.
My mom was always herself up until the day i got a call from my brother telling me my mom is in the hospital and they do not know whats wrong with her and to come down and say my goodbyes. I seen my moms nephew and he said my mom stopped responding and called 911. He said he would ask her questions and she would just stare off and not say a word and he did not know what was going on, and when the ambulance came she refused to go but after they talked to her she eventually agreed to go.
At the hospital it was rough and we learned my mom had dementia of an 80 year old and my mom was only 65 at the time. They also said that her kidneys were failing her and they did not know if she would make it through the night and to say our goodbyes. It was the most heart wrenching moment i had to go through, it felt like time stood still.
Since than my mom somehow powered through and made it but she was different once she came to. She didn’t remember who some of us were and she did not know why she was in the hospital and wanted to go home and so we all reassured her she was fine and that we are all family and here for her. Not even a week later we had some family from California come in and visit her and i remember her saying my whole family is here to see me, and it was just a happy moment for everyone.
After staying in the hospital and getting a feeding tube put in nose and stomach (multiple different times since she pulled it out) she was off to a hospice to recover and after that stay she was put in a group home for about two months. This group home was not my favorite just because i felt like my mom was not getting the care she needed and i could see my moms health deteriorating very fast.
Received another call from my brother telling me my mom was admitted to the hospital again but this time it was due to her fever and being sick. When i got down to the hospital the nurses informed me that my mom was not sick or have a fever that it had gone down but that she had open wounds that got infected.
I was amazed because the group home did not mention how bad it became and they said she had 1 when she had a few. The nurses also showed my bf and i photos and my gosh my mom does not deserve that! One wound had black skin and the others were more of deep wounds either way it was not good.
After going through all of that for the next week or two she was eventually moved to her finally group home. At this time in January we all knew it was not much longer yet my mom kept fighting and pushing even tho she did not talk or respond but i knew she was very much listening. Everyday in January that passed put me on edge to the max and i just did not want to loose my mom, i was not ready for it.
January passed and February was upon us and i was just happy that my mom was able to have another month to live. But things started to change very quickly and started noticing that my moms body was starting to give out on her and so i spent a lot more time with her knowing at any day she would pass. I watched my mom go from being in good health to watching her die a little more every day, it kills me inside and i feel like it has cause such a traumatic impact on my life that i could be possibly suffering from PTSD.
The day of February 11th 2020 i received a call at 1:15 pm to notify me that my mom took her last breath at 1:00 pm and that she wanted to inform me of her death. I thanked her very much for taking care of my mom on such short notice and that it means a lot to me.
It has been about a month, 1 week and 1 day since she has passed away and i am not really the same me. I miss her every day and i cry every day for her because my heart hurts so much and i hate this grieving process. I am still awaiting my mom’s ashes from my brother. He had mentioned other family members would like some of her ashes so he is trying to buy a few more urns and then he will give me mine. So i will continue to wait idk what to do with myself it is all so much.
So far i have been trying to be strong through all of this which has caused an impact with my work and personal life that i cut my hrs down to 32 and spend my time painting (picked up a new hobby) and trying to make sense of this crazy world. So this is why i haven’t been posting as much as i should or doing all the reviews like i should, but when life happens sometimes you have to take a break and realign yourself.
I want to thank you all for stopping by and reading about my latest post. It truly means alot to me!
Stay safe out there.. until next time!